It’s hard to believe that tomorrow I’ll be 29! YIKES!
It’s strange. I remember my 9th birthday. It was cold and freezing. I think it was a weekend or something because I didn’t have to go to school. My dad and I went out in the morning. I had gotten some Tiny Toons plushies for my birthday, and I was holding onto one of them in the freezing van. I don’t remember any other details of that birthday… but it’s hard to believe that was 20 years ago! In another 20 years I’ll be 49.
I don’t feel 29. I don’t look 29 (outside of the few grey hairs I find here and there). And I certainly don’t act 29. I think my mental/emotional age is probably somewhere around 20. The idea of being a grown-up scares me… even though I already am. I mean, I can go with the flow, pay bills, manage finances, other responsibilities and the like. But I don’t think I’ll ever be the person so caught up in the burdens of finances and day-to-day living that I just look and feel OLD. Though I’ve heard that having children really changes things. Since I’m currently childless, that’s not a problem. I do eventually want to have children… but it’s not something I’m financially ready for yet. But it’s something I’m looking forward to.
I once dated someone that made a big deal about being grown up, about being an adult. That partaking in childish activities or interests was immature. Obviously, that relationship didn’t last. But… I still think of myself as a kid a lot of times. I don’t act like one, no. But I daydream. I love toys. I’ve been known to pass up buying myself clothes over a toy. Although if it’s a legit need, then yeah, I’ll pass the toy up. I’d rather watch animation or fantasy movies intended for families over romantic dramas or things women my age are supposed to like (and the same with TV).
I think that a lot of this comes from seeing my parents always concerned over fiances, bills, bills, bills, making ends meet. They never seemed all that happy. It was always an annoyance when I’d watch cartoons because my mom wanted to watch soaps, court shows, or the news. She still does this with my 4-year old great niece. Which is kinda sad.
I always observed how my siblings acted and treated me as a kid… like I was some kind of burden for being so much younger than them. There was an age gap of about 12-19 years between me and my siblings. I just never grew any sort of attachment with them. It’s like, once I hit 18, the dreams I had of being a cartoonist had to be crushed for something practical and grown up. I donno. :/
I don’t really think that I ever will grow up. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that either as long as you take care of your responsibilities. Obviously, my future family would need to come first and foremost. But… I’m not going to give who I am up because I should’ve “grown out” of it a long time ago. For all I care, I’ll be 85 years old, silly as ever, drawing, thinking up random nonsensical crap to amuse myself, and watching cartoons. I think that’s a part of my personality and who I am at the core… and not something that can be changed by just “getting older”.
That said, I want a Hello Kitty birthday cake and balloons tomorrow. :< *pouts*