For all the ladies out there wanting to some day get married, here’s a warning. These are all things that I’ve learned since July, and I’d like to pass them along.
From the moment you’re engaged, change your facebook relationship status as such, or go to any chain establishments looking for dresses, you are going to be BOMBARDED. Bombarded by what may you ask? Every kind of business wanting your money for your “big day”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for helping out the small businesses, and helping the economy. But… when it comes to Wedding Business, it’s just downright crazy.
Of course, there’s things such as dresses, tuxedos, cakes, invitations and rings… but there’s other things that are downright ridiculous. The Wedding Industry tries to drill several points into your head, feeding off your bridal insecurities. Examples are this:
You MUST spend at least what everyone else spends in your area for even a decent wedding!
My comment: Uh, I don’t know about you, but I don’t even make the average “low” for my area in a year, which is about $15,000. Mark is the breadwinner, but the low is still a big chunk of change. Since I’ll be footing a lot of the bill myself and maybe getting minimal help from family, I have to pick and choose what is important to us! One couple put together an amazing wedding for $2,000. Frankly, you don’t need to spend so much! We’d rather put our finances into a new house, cars, or savings than blow it all on one day!
You MUST go all out for table decorations, favors, and centerpieces as this will be what your guests will be looking at all night.
My comment: So you WANT your guests to sit at a table all night, staring at your table decorations? In the months after the wedding are they even going to remember your expensive centerpieces? Are they going to hold onto those expensive customized matchbooks, longingly looking at them and remembering what a wonderful wedding they attended? Chances are they won’t. What they WILL remember though is catching up with friends and family, dancing (if you decide to dance), and especially sharing the moment that you and the one you love start a new family.
You MUST look more stunning and beautiful than you’ve ever looked in your entire life on your wedding day, otherwise you will not be a radiant glowing bride! Buy a $4,000 designer gown, follow these diet plans, go to this gym, get your hair and makeup done professionally by these top-notch stylists, and get plastic surgery!
My comment: Me personally, I’m all for getting prettied up and looking marvelous. It’s fun! I loved it in high school for dances. And frankly, this will probably be the last time I get to go all out. But I’m not buying an expensive designer dress. I’m not spending hundreds on beauty, and I’m sure as hell NOT going to get plastic surgery. And here’s the thing about dieting/exercising: It’s great if you want to do that for your health. I’ve lost 30lbs just from changing some routines, and I’m trying to lose more, but really only for my health. I also realize that the last thing I’m going to be thinking about as I’m standing there at the alter is my flabby arms, back fat, or chubby cheeks. So if I don’t get to my goal by then, fine! I’m still going to look AMAZING anyway, even on a shoestring budget. And frankly, WHO CARES?! Only the companies wanting your money.
You MUST have these items and services to have a successful wedding: String quartet, orchestra, choir, DJ, live band combo (anything less is tacky), Personalized matching napkins of various sizes and towels… right down the the hex code, expensive customized silver cake cutting set with matching satin ribbons, unity candle set (omg it’s so traditional, dating back to like 1970 at the earliest!), flower and ice sculptures, flower petals piled a foot thick over everything, an expensive designer dress for every part of the wedding process, and designer monogrammed EVERYTHING!
My comment: S-C-R-E-W-T-H-A-T. My rule of thumb: If it gets thrown away, I’m not spending an arm and a leg on it. I was brought up to not be wasteful, and I’m sure as hell not throwing away my hard-earned money on stuff that’s going to get thrown out/forgotten. I can pick up matching napkins at the dollar store/party store. Sure, it won’t have our names and dates on it, but who is going to notice or think differently about us if we don’t have that? Hell, we probably won’t even have dancing since Mark doesn’t like to dance. (I do though). We can just set up a laptop with Winamp and we’re good to go. Flowers are the last item on my list, and if it’s a few months out and I can’t afford them, whatever. I’ll make something crafty and fun in their place. If anyone thinks I’m tacky, they can shove it! Because honestly, everything surrounding weddings is TACKY. WHO CARES! Only the Wedding Industry.
Anything but a traditional wedding is tacky!
My Comment: Traditional Wedding = Wedding Industry’s painted vision of what a wedding should be in order to generate the most profit for all involved businesses. If you want a traditional wedding, go back just 150 years ago, to a time when the woman wore her Sunday Best (omg tacky tacky tacky!), the meal was a potluck prepared by friends and family (omg tacky tacky tacky!), and women were given away as if property. The family with the most social clout was the name that was kept.
The fact is, do what you want! Have fun! Spend money on the things that are most important to you. If looks aren’t that important, but a gourmet meal is, spend your money there. If you’d rather just have a great time with family and friends, skip the extras and focus on things that’ll bring everyone together. Maybe have everyone come together and prepare the food together (kinda like self-catering, but it’s not just YOU), or decorate the venue with everyone. More often than not, family/friends will love to help and it’ll be fun!
I decided that I’m not going to go with the term “Vendor” for this. That word makes it feel as if this is some kind of convention or “show” with booths and advertisement. And in all reality, to the Wedding Industry, that’s what your wedding IS (aside from actual Bridal Shows). Though if I can afford it, I’m happy to help out small businesses whenever I can. I visited a small bridal shop which sent me a coupon for $50 off a dress of my choice, which definitely helps since I’m on a very tight budget.
Online Reads: A Practical Wedding, $2000 Budget Wedding, Off Beat Bride